Euro 2012: There is no worse feeling than losing in a penalty shootout - The Guardian (blog)

In the moments after England's elimination from Euro 2012 I was feeling so many emotions, not just because of the familiar sense of disappointment as our interest in another major competition came to an end but because of the way it happened. My mind went back to the 1998 World Cup, when I was in the team who got knocked out on penalties by Argentina and I remembered what I went through then, in many ways some of the hardest times of my career.

What I remember was the sense of loss that I felt after the match. During the game you're thinking only about winning and what you need to do to achieve it, and then suddenly you've lost in the most brutal way possible. Afterwards it's hard to comprehend what has happened. But the strange thing is that for all the grief, there's also a sense of relief that it's all over. There's so much pressure involved in a major competition and it's ratcheted up over the course of a tight match until you're almost ready to explode, so when it ends there's a sort of collective sigh. You're physically exhausted, of course, but emotionally exhausted as well. Now, at last you know it's finished.

You shouldn't underestimate how much of an impact the tournament environment has on the players. It is so intense. You may work every day with your club-mates but you will never spend that sort of time together. Away from your loved ones for several weeks, the squad become your family and you can form some very strong bonds. Then when you're beaten you get a few hours to pack your things before you fly home – and that family is gone.

After the Argentina match we flew back to our base and stayed up most of the night, had a few drinks and talked about the game and our performance. We had a couple of hours' sleep before we were put on a plane back to England and suddenly we were on our own. I'm sure my real family found me distracted for a while. I was aware that I needed to make a big effort to leave the World Cup behind. I thought I should get as far away from football as possible, so I booked us a really nice holiday and we had a lovely couple of weeks. It gave me a chance to recalibrate my mindset.

I'm sure whenever an England match goes to penalties the players are thinking: 'We've had no luck in the past but this is my time to do something about it.' That is strongly positive but the very fact that they are thinking about previous failures alters the frame of mind. Somehow, there is a weight on the shoulders. But the shootout started well for us against Italy, at least until Andrea Pirlo stepped up. He was the difference between the teams all night, and showed how much England need a technician who can control the tempo and the pattern of a game.

But if England had somehow survived despite his superiority in open play, what he did in the shootout destroyed us. There was so much self-belief in his penalty, so much confidence, and that will have filtered through to his team-mates. At the same time some of England's players, particularly Joe Hart – who had to watch the ball floating over his shoulder – would have found it demoralising. You've got to admire Pirlo's bravado but England's players probably felt that he had been humiliating and disrespectful. They must have been tempted to go straight over and give him a slap. Following that was very difficult and we couldn't – we didn't score another penalty.

I'm sure the players will be haunted by the key situations they were involved in – 'what if I'd taken that chance, what if I'd dived the other way, what if I'd scored my penalty'. There will be a lot of reflection and they should feel a sense of satisfaction. They came into the tournament with relatively low expectations and they've exceeded them.

None of those players put in a bad performance. England might not have been as productive or as creative as most supporters would like them to be but we have been effective, we have been incredibly disciplined and the team spirit created has been phenomenal. The challenge now is to build on it. Euro 2012 might have had a depressing ending but I hope we will one day look back on it as an exciting beginning.