|
Memory man Miliband had again committed the speech to his internal hard-drive. But once or twice we had a computer malfunction. The eyeballs flickered. His mouth sagged to the right and his delivery stalled.
'Logue randrords,' he said. Oops. Rogue landlords. Reboot successful.
What a hilariously yankeefied, schmaltzy, weird, egomaniacal affair. Well performed? In its own, trash-TV way, you betcha. He clapped his hands, gave them goofy jokes and hung out his teeth like a crab drying its fingernails in the south-coast sunshine.
Mr Miliband stood on a V-shaped area in the middle of the stalls, lit white like a disco dance floor. Smart blue suit, blue tie, shirt as white as the amazing gnashers. Not even Jeremy Kyle looks this telly presenterish
Miliband's task was to throw so much appalling hyperbole at the Labour delegates, they would have no alternative but to demonstrate their allegiance, even if many of them now wish they had chosen his brother
Kinnock and his lady were in the front row, as was Puncher Prescott, pictured with author Kathy Lette and comedian Eddie Izzard
Bernie Winters mates with Billy Graham. Messiah 2013 tour opens in Brighton, England. Diabetics advised to keep their distance. Outlook: sugary.
If he wants a career as a motivational preacher visiting campuses in the Mid-West states, Mr Miliband has it made. He's a natural at the aw-shucks shrug, the stand-up showman's point to a sunlit upland, the fake-sincere whisper, the tweak of the good ole' boy head. The more he trans-Atlanticses his voice, the less Camden wonk he perhaps thinks he sounds.
Quite how his Americanised delivery fitted in with the patriotic slogan of the day - 'Britain can do better' - I was not certain.
We had a tale of miraculous healing - a story about a Glaswegian woman with a dicky heart who had to travel to Liverpool for treatment and was amazed to find that her Merseyside doctors did not mind she was Scottish.
'You know whad?' drawled Mr Miliband, pausing long enough to suck a cigarillo through those cow-catcher teeth. 'Cathy pulled through.' Ahhhh!
'And she's here with us today.' I rather suspected she might be. Alas, the in-hall cameras did not seem able to locate her. 'Do you think she has been kidnapped by Alex Salmond?' asked my neighbour.
Mr Miliband told the audience his Mom was the best Mom in the world. This can be filed under the technical term 'shameless fishing for female votes'
Miliband repeated some stuff about apprenticeships, even though that policy collapsed under the first hint of scrutiny on Sunday. He also proposed land grabs, telling developers that they would be forced to build on land
Mr Miliband stood on a V-shaped area in the middle of the stalls, lit white like a disco dance floor.
Smart blue suit, blue tie, dude toecaps, shirt as white as the amazing gnashers. Not even Jeremy Kyle looks this telly presenterish.
Kinnock and his lady were in the front row, as was Puncher Prescott (I did not see the delightful Pauline - she may feel she has been to enough party conferences).
Some spottier delegates had been placed behind Mr Miliband. They included one bespectacled lad who could have been the juvenile Alan Bennett. When votes at 16 was mentioned, the Clearasil kids clapped like Brezhnev-era Politburo member.
At Mr Miliband's entry the music had been cranked up so loud, my ears throbbed. He sponged up the applause greedily.
Within a minute we were all told to clap Justine (Mrs Milibob). Just for being the great gal she is.
Then Mr Miliband told us his Mom was the best Mom in the world.
This can be filed under the technical term 'shameless fishing for female votes'.
Miliband, pictured with wife Justine, said his election 'was really hard for my family but I believed I was the best person for it'
His election 'was really hard for my family but I believed I was the best person for it.' His task yesterday was to throw so much appalling hyperbole at the Labour delegates, they would have no alternative but to demonstrate their allegiance, even if many of them now wish they had chosen his brother David.
In that narrow aim, Miliband E, with his ruthless selfishness, certainly succeeded. And he plainly has a good enough memory to be one of those chaps at Birmingham New Street railway station who can instantly tell you the right platform for Barmouth trains.
But what of policy content? Did it add up intellectually, let alone economically? A commitment to decarbonise energy at the same time as freezing energy prices? Hmmmn.
He repeated some stuff about apprenticeships, even though that policy collapsed under the first hint of scrutiny on Sunday.
And he proposed land grabs, telling developers that they would be forced to build on land. 'Use it or lose it', he told them.
This was not so much a lurch to the Left as a leap, a hurtle, a catapult shot in the direction of Marxist Robert Mugabe.
The comments below have not been moderated.
Utter what childish rubbish you want Quentin (now there's a toffee nose name) but Labour, led by Ed, WILL win the next election.....We have been robbed enough by your friends ! - Redcapfred, Hinckley, 25/09/2013 00:30 I fear you may be right and god help us then!!***************** FEAR NOT citizen, when God gets in in 2015, you will feel his help. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>> 'This was not so much a lurch to the Left as a leap, a hurtle, a catapult shot in the direction of Marxist Robert Mugabe.' Well he comes from a Marxist family, his father was a 'Marxist theorist', at the London School of Economics. So, what do you expect? [The family somehow managed to reconcile all of that with living in a 7-figure South Kensington mansion flat - in a way only rabid lefties seem to be able to]. Funny isn't it how all Labour leaders and wannabe leaders preach that they 'feel the working man's pain', despite being brought up so rich, they've never had to get a proper job, and you know, actually earn a living.
Too smarmy to listen to.
Love this.... More more more!
Ed Miliband is a laughable politician.
OMG how many Cliched expressions can you get into an article !
Marxism equals dictatorship, all hail Chairman McCluskey...
The main point is "Believe this and your NUTS, just vote UKIP" and "Make that change"
So energy prices will shoot through the roof in the next two years,just in case Labour get in,and freezes them
The views expressed in the contents above are those of our users and do not necessarily reflect the views of MailOnline.
Martin@hsf voting UKIP, Canterbury, England, moments ago
He spoke the truth about the unfairness of wealth in our society and made a great speech. He can talk it but can he do it or ever get the chance. The legacy of the financial meltdown is too heavy.. - advocate, moray, 24/09/2013 22:26 The financial meltdown caused by Labour, you mean?