And finally, finally it's It's JASON AND KRISTINA! It's like I'm 16 again. Jason is reminding everyone he used to shag Kylie Minogue, which was possibly his finest hour. Kristina is mostly a total sex kitten.
The descend the stairs to the dancefloor, Kristina resplendent in a bikini that has been fashioned from discarded prawns. Jason camps it up to the nines, and he's really not bad. Wish he'd close his mouth though.
The judges loved the glamour, but the dancing was a bit of a disaster. Bruno describes is as "like a curtain stuck on the spin cycle". Poor Nancy.
Scores - 1 from Craig, 4 from Len, 3 from Alesha and 4 from Bruno. That's a disastrous 12.
Only two left! Next up is NANCY AND ANTON! She's all about the Italian passion, and wants to kiss Anton. He looks terrified.
They take to the floor, Nancy fanning herself on a chaise longue dressed like a flock of seagulls caught in the propeller of a jumbo jet. I dread to think how many birds died to make that dress.
Mostly it's just both of them tripping over her feather boa. If there was any actual waltzing, I missed it.
Well, it wasn't as bad as Widdecombe. The judges thought it was fun, and she gave it her all.
Scores - 2 from Craig, 5 from Len, 5 from Alesha and 5 from Bruno. Total of 17, we didn't get to hear Craig's feedback, but I'm guessing he hated it.
Next up it's EDWINA AND VINCENT. In training, Vincent is encouraging her to "make love to the camera". I haven't eaten my dinner yet, is this really necessary?
Edwina's dress is a bedraggled-looking red affair, with a rhinestone choker that looks like she's being throttled by Michael Jackson. All she needs is a pointy hat and it would make a cracking Halloween costume.
It's not sexy. In any way, shape or form. It's just wrong.
Craig thought it was a big frenzied, and her balance was a bit shonky, but generally good. Well, she IS a bit top heavy, no? Len thought it started out with elegance, but ended up a bit manic. Alesha thought he looked like a princess. Pasha looks confused, poor lamb.
Scores are in - 7 from Craig, 6 from Len, 7 from Alesha and 7 from Bruno - a very respectable total of 27.
Who's next? Ooh, it's
CHELSEE AND PASHA. She's the other one I hadn't heard of along with Dan Lobb, but I confess I fancy her less. Pasha is new to Strictly, and I suspect Chelsee might be quite a handful.
The soundtrack to their training video is "Nelly The Elephant". Harsh.
They take to the floor, Chelsee looking like a poodle wearing a pink trumpet made of icing. The daughter's verdict is "meh". Again, harsh.
Judges' comments are a bit hit and miss. Craig thought it looked a bit starchy, whatever that means. Some of it was really good, but other bits were a bit shaky. It takes a lot of GUTS to come out here, says Bruce. Or a decent paycheck, possibly?
Scores - 4 from Craig, 6 from Len, 6 from Alesha and 6 from Bruno - total of 22.
Next on the floor is ALEX AND JAMES! They had the trophy on The One Show last year, and Alex was mesmerised. She now has to do better than Matt Baker. He came second last year, so not much of an ask then.
Alex is wearing a silver dress made entirely of sequins and fringe. She looks a broken chandelier, but she's my Twitter sweepstake horse so gets my vote already. GO ALEX!
Oh blimey, the band are trying David Guetta again. Did they learn nothing from last night? Crikey, I've just noticed James's vest. It's like a magic eye. I'm transfixed.
Well that looked lovely to me, as waltzes go. But what the hell do I know? Alesha liked it, but Bruno thought Rory's demented facial expression looked like he'd overdone it on the Botox. Well, you'd know.
Blimey, even Craig liked it. It had panache, albeit Rory's bum was sticking out a bit.
Scores are in! 6 from Craig, 7 from Len, 7 from Alesha and 7 from Bruno - 27 in total.
Next up it's RORY AND ERIN, who Tess describes as "a man of many faces". Voices, surely? Or does he do disguises also?
By the way, everyone is required to drink for every impression Rory does of the judges. Or Frank Spencer. Damn, there it is.
Out they come - Rory looking dashing in tails, and Erin looking glorious in turquoise. I can almost guarantee it's going to be my favourite dress of the night, I've already spotted some horrors.
Well I think Harry looks marvellous, and his dancing isn't bad either. Who will drool more, Bruno or Craig?
Len's Dirty Harry jokes are terrible. His cha-cha-cha was a bit mechanical, but general consensus is he did a good job. Alesha was impressed, and Bruno is perving in a deeply unsettling manner. Craig thought it was too straight, and it lacked any forward and backward hip action. Looked FINE from my sofa.
Scores - 6 from Craig, 7 from Len, 8 from Alesha and 7 from Bruno - total of 28 for Harry and Aliona.
Right, time for some dancing. First up is HARRY AND ALIONA! The other McFly boys are in the audience - they've had seven number ones, but they'll never be as good as Busted.
Out they come - Harry looks ready to go tenpin bowling, whereas half of Aliona's dress appears to have been eaten by a shark.
The Dave Arch and the Strictly orchestra are attempting Maroon 5's Moves Like Jagger. Must you, really?
It's SHOWTIME! What will Tess be wearing? It can't be worse than last night's purple sacking.
The dress is a selection of black velvet bandages worn with horrible ankleboots, but more distressing is that she seems to have gone platinum blonde overnight. Or is it just my eyes? Maybe they are still recovering from the glare of Robbie's teeth.
Is everyone ready? Time for a final coat of lipgloss, then we're OFF!
Good evening, and welcome to our Week One Strictly Come Dancing Liveblog (Part Two!) Last night the first seven couples performed their unique interpretation of the waltz or the cha-cha-cha, apart from Lulu, who jigged about like someone putting out a fire. Tonight the other seven will be taking to the floor for the first time – Chelsee Healey, Rory Bremner, Alex Jones, Edwina Curry, Harry Judd, Nancy Dell'Olio and Jason Donovan. Sequins ahoy and gravy tans galore, no doubt.
I'll be here from 6pm to liveblog their dancing debuts, and very much hope you'll leave your thoughts and musings in the comment box below. Otherwise it's just me dancing on my own, which is never a good look.
In the meantime I've ALREADY got an apology to make (and it's only week one!) - last night the lovely Audley Harrison described himself as the biggest ever star on Strictly, which I interpreted as him having an Olympic-sized ego. But as @Crywolf pointed out in the comment box, he actually meant literally that he is huge, size-wise. So a big sorry to Audley – tonight I will properly tune in my receptors for ambiguous celebrity puns.
Grab a glass of something sparkly and a plateful of cheese, and I'll see you at 6!
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