By Daisy Dumas
Last updated at 6:17 PM on 24th September 2011
For most mothers, it is taboo to admit.
But one mother has revealed that she felt upset when she found out she was expecting a boy rather than a girl - joining a group of women who admit to feeling 'gender disappointment.'
Diana Sugg, from Baltimore, said that she had dreamt of a life with a daughter, but instead gave birth to a baby boy.
My boys: Award-wining writer Diana Sugg was absolutely convinced she would have girls and was upset when she was told she was expecting a son
'"What will I do with a boy?" I remember asking my husband,' the Pulitzer Prize-winner writes on Today.com.
She says that she was so certain she was going to have a girl that she asked the nurse 'Is this a mistake?' upon being told she was going to have a son.
'I was upset. I didn't have any interest in cars or bugs or robots,' writes Ms Sugg, who had children in her late 30s.
She told MailOnline: 'It's strange, even though it's always a 50-50 chance in any pregnancy, I was completely convinced, for some reason, that I'd have a girl. I think it was because I was so comfortable with girls. I felt like I knew how to help a little girl.'
It is not unusual, after all, for people to hope to emulate what they had.
'Girls felt like my turf,' writes Ms Sugg. 'I grew up with four sisters and only one brother. I'd been through the awkwardness of my first bra, the pain of losing my best friend when she went to a new school, the confusion of dating.
New mother: Gender disappointment is not uncommon, but tends to remain a taboo subject
'I thought I could pass on that hard-won knowledge, along with my ballerina jewelry box with the pink corduroy lining.'
She is not alone. A recent TodayMoms survey revealed that one in ten mothers wishes their child was the opposite sex - and of those mothers, 60 per cent have boys.
And celebrity stylist Rachel Zoe, 40, recently admitted on her Bravo reality TV show to wanting a girl so badly that, 'I found out I was having a boy, and I did cry for a week. Or two. Maybe even three.
'I always had this plan in my mind that I was gonna have this little baby girl,' she said on the Rachel Zoe Project.
On British parenting site, Netmums, there is a such a vociferous crowd of mothers of girls, they have become known as SMOGs - or smug mothers of girls.
Victoria Beckham, 37, famously wanted a girl - and after three boys, had a baby daughter in LA this July.
The co-founder of Netmums.com, Siobhan Freegard, said that she commonly sees the topic of gender disappointment running through forums on the site.
It's something that is difficult even for women to admit to themselves, let alone to other people,' the mother says.
'The very nature of saying you are disappointed in your child goes against everything we believe motherhood to be about. Most women who feel this way also feel huge amounts of guilt and shame because they think they are letting their baby down.'
'My boys are still little, but they need the same love and nurturing any little girl would have needed'
Happily, most women soon adjust to the reality of whatever sex they are expecting - and Ms Sugg is a case in point.
'Now that Sam is 5, and Oliver is 3, we do the same things I would have done with a girl. We play hide-and-seek, go to the playground, dance around to Elvis Presley music and snuggle up to read books,' she writes.
'And every day I run into those moments that get me in the gut: Sammy crying when I try to explain why he and I won't get married when he grows up. Oliver cradling my face and saying, "I love you, Mommy,"' the mother writes on the Today show's site.
'I doubt now that I would have been a better mother to [a girl], or that my life would have somehow been more complete with her.'
The writer told Mailonline that she has come to realise a very valuable lesson. 'My boys are still little, but they need the same love and nurturing any little girl would have needed. They're completely adorable and funny.'
Diana K Sugg's full story is available to read on Today.com.
This is a difficult one really isn't it... they are saying that as many as ten percent of mothers feel this way... and this lady has been brave enough to break the taboo and admit to it... raising awareness of the situation. My two sisters in law never let on whether or not they were secretly wanting girls, but had large families and stopped having children once their daughters were born - they each had one. There was a time when it was taboo to mention that you were disappointed with the birth experience that you had had - "oh well dear at least you have a healthy child" some women have even experienced PTSD because of the way their birth went - not because they are weak, selfish women, but because they were forced into unnecessary procedures they didn't want, or because of the way their birth attendants treated them. This is now being recognised as a serious problem and health professionals are starting to pick up the pieces ... perhaps this is another such situation?
- Lin, Cambridge, 26/9/2011 19:05
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