'Tiger Mother' too tough for own good - Boston Herald

We're doing it all wrong.

By we, I mean women like me. And by it, I mean everything. Dieting. Cooking. Aging gracefully.

And now, raising our kids.

Amy Chua's "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother'' (Penguin, $25) hits bookshelves today, joining the ranks of Mireille Guiliano's "French Women Don't Get Fat'' and Naomi Moriyama's "Japanese Women Don't Get Old or Fat'' by ripping American women once again.

Chua's premise: "Western" moms — her euphemism — are permissive and raising a nation of losers. Chinese-American mothers are strict and produce intellectual rock stars.

Make no mistake: Chua, a Yale professor and Chinese-American mother of two, means us Target-shopping, McDonald's-eating moms.

Chua's idea of great parenting: She didn't allow her two daughters to have sleep-overs or play dates, be in a school play, watch TV or play computer video games. They couldn't choose their own extracurricular activities, or play any instrument except violin or piano. Chua expected each to be the No. 1 student in every subject except gym and drama.

She boasts that she called her daughter Sophia "garbage'' when the girl was disrespectful and claims Chinese-American mothers do things that would seem unimaginable — even legally actionable — to Westerners, like saying "Hey fatty — lose some weight'' to their daughters.

Moms like me, apparently, are foolish, overly concerned with silly things like self-esteem.

According to Chua, Western parents fail when they respect their children's individuality, encourage them to pursue their true passions, support their choices and provide a nurturing environment.

"By contrast, the Chinese believe that the best way to protect their children is by preparing them for the future, letting them see what they're capable of and arming them with skills, work habits and inner confidence that no one can ever take away.''

So, any mother who did a dance to get their kid to eat their peas or high-fived their first-grader for getting almost all of his spelling words right wasted her time. In this world, encouragement is a one-way ticket to failure.

Case in point: When Chua's daughter Louise, then 7, couldn't master a particular piece on the piano, Chua not only screamed at her until she lost her voice, she made her practice all day and night, without a water or bathroom break.

What a happy childhood memory that must be.

Hey, I get it. Anyone who's witnessed a ball-pit brawl at Chuck E. Cheese knows lots of moms could use parenting advice.

But before Chua and the Chinese-American mothers she describes throw themselves a superiority party, let me leave you with these words of caution: