Comment is free readers on … abortion counselling - The Guardian

Lauren Dobson-Hughes

I'm not an abortion counsellor; I'm an options counsellor. I help you explore all your options: parenting, abortion and adoption. None are off limits. I never judge you; I met you an hour ago. But I can support you every step of the way. I burst myths – that single parents are feckless, that only uncaring people choose adoption, or that abortion causes cancer. I give you a safe space to talk, ask questions, cry even, and hopefully help you come to peace with your decision.

Some women know instantly what they need to do. For others, there is no easy answer. I see women who desperately want to parent but whose partner will leave them if they do, women who know they can't raise a child with severe disabilities, women who incline towards abortion but feel they don't deserve one. Nadine Dorries's insidious proposal isn't about counselling. It's about restricting access to a legal, medical procedure. The legal right to abortion cannot be overturned, so they seek to make it nearly impossible to obtain one.

Laura aka SheIsMe

As a penniless teenager in 1990s Belfast, the non-appearance of my period was a rite of passage I'd have happily skipped. Unable to even afford the few quid for a test, I opted instead to visit the organisation Life - after all, their friendly-looking ad campaign ran on buses all over the city offering free pregnancy testing and counselling. With my worst fears confirmed, the smiling lady waited for my sobs to abate before explaining that I should get myself an appointment with my GP immediately to organise scans, get dietary advice and make sure I was healthy until my baby was born. I explained that I desperately didn't want this, that I felt traumatised, invaded; she had to help me make it all stop. This was met with a gentle but firm suggestion that I couldn't be expected to think clearly in this emotional state, and besides, didn't I realise that there were plenty of women out there who couldn't conceive and would give anything to be in my shoes?

A few days later, I found myself in the FPA office, discussing the possibility of a termination with a counsellor who allowed me to talk at length about how I was feeling (terrified), and coping with the pregnancy (not well). She took me through my options, explained the importance of staying healthy if I decided to continue with the pregnancy, what benefits and support were available to single mothers, what processes to expect if I opted to have the baby adopted. Most importantly, she explained that termination was no walk in the park, that I may experience dark emotions afterwards, and that the procedure itself was likely to be at least unpleasant and possibly very painful. At no point did she try to sway me towards having the abortion. If anything, she made sure I knew exactly what I was letting myself in for. After seeing her, the relief of knowing this decision was mine alone to make was immense.

In the end, I travelled to Birmingham for the procedure. In spite of the best efforts of pro-choice groups, Northern Irish law on abortion provision has still not been brought in line with the UK, meaning Northern Irish women are forced to travel to mainland Britain if they want the procedure. I was already 99% sure that would be my course of action, but the advice I received was invaluable. I have no regrets.

Nadine Dorries's proposal is a delaying tactic, in the hope that women will not be able to access relevant services until it's too late. Even with all the obstacles put in my way, I was lucky to be able to take the path that was right for me. Others may not be.

Alex aka AlexG

I fell pregnant by accident. I was living in Geneva, working on short term contracts overseas. My boyfriend had left two weeks previously on a similar assignment.

After I took the pregnancy test I went into complete panic, thinking I would lose my career. The father was not contactable by phone for a few days. I demanded an abortion. I was told that in Switzerland, I could not have one without a counselling session with a therapist who was part of the hospital, but working separately from the gynaecology and maternity departments.

The therapist helped me to try to envisage my future having taken one route or the other. I realised then and there I wouldn't be able to come to terms with an abortion.

I am 100% in favour of women's right to choose. But I am grateful this impartial person was available. Thanks to this obligatory appointment, I was able to think clearly, so I could make the right decision for me. It's been hard, but my child is wonderful and I have no regrets.

Helen aka helenlhelen

I became pregnant after an ill-advised fling with a much older man. He was very clear about what he wanted – and that was an abortion for me (and a gin and tonic for him).

I first went to my GP. He rolled his eyes, handed me a form and shooed me away. I then headed to Bpas in central London. An anti-abortion group handed me a leaflet, but wouldn't look me in the eye.

I will never forget the counsellor who spoke to me. She was open, positive and human. She emphasised that it was important that I chose the right option for me. This wasn't "customer service" or exploiting people in vulnerable situations; she just treated me like a human being. I went through with the abortion at seven weeks, which was physically painful and definitely something that I did not take lightly.

It makes me angry when I hear anti-choice groups talk about how many women have been adversely affected by abortions. Why should feeling upset mean that you regret it? Guilt, yes. Regret, no.